I hear it all the time. At work. At the gym. At the mall. At the store.
It usually comes from the mouth of an adult somewhere between the ages of 18-30, and generally sounds something like this: (in a very annoying voice) “Oh my God, I’m sooooooo bored.”
I have an idea for any person who says this: Go fuck yourself.
This might seem harsh, but I’m just trying to be helpful. After all, this course of action would accomplish two things.
1. It would alleviate the boredom.
2. It would make me feel better.
I admit that my own age might be playing a role in my reaction to what seems to be a trend. Now firmly in my mid-40s, I’m beginning to come to the realization that life is finite. There is no way I will ever be able to do everything I want to do, go everywhere I want to go, experience everything I want to experience.
The 2o-somethings won’t be able to either, but there’s one thing that I can guarantee you won’t help: sitting around complaining about being bored. It’s really not a difficult equation to solve. If you’re bored, you could either whine about it, or you could do something that’s not boring.
See how easy that was?
While you’re trying to figure out what it is that excites you, give thanks that you’re not a poor mayfly.
Mayflies have pretty crappy lives. They hatch, they attempt to make more mayflies, and they die. That’s it. The life of the mayfly is so brief that the best way to get rid of the pests is to wait. A mayfly could hatch on your laptop keyboard, look up at this post, and — if you read slowly enough — die before you completed it.
Now imagine how annoying a bored mayfly would be to anyone within earshot.
Mayfly: Oh my God, I’m soooo bored.
Helpful bee: Well, you could read a book.
Mayfly: I hate reading.
Bee: Want to go someplace?
Bee: We could fly to the mall and make up stories about the weird people we see.
Bee: How about robbing a bank?
Mayfly: That sounds like a lot of work.
Bee: Well maybe you could go fuck yourself.
Mayfly: I just reproduced asshole so save your advice for …
Mayflies typically live less than 24 hours, so it might seem ridiculous to compare them to humans. But to Earth, which is 4.5 billion years old, we’re all mayflies. In fact, Earth probably likes the actual mayflies better than us because they don’t throw their cigarette butts out of their car windows. Let’s face it, you can’t do a whole lot of littering in a 24-hour lifespan. Hell, you can’t even get through the DMV lines to get your driver’s license that quickly.
Either way, the lesson is clear: If you find yourself bored, you can either be an annoying whiner and complain about it, or you can do something exciting like rob a bank.