Guns don’t kill people, cell phones kill people

gun-cell-phoneThis isn’t a post about texting-and-driving. Everyone knows you shouldn’t do it. Everyone is going to do it anyway.

When someone gets killed, people will stop texting-and-driving for approximately 10 seconds, which is the length of time it takes the urge to Tweet a selfie to become unbearable. Excuse me a second … *click* … ok.

No, this post is about a question that has haunted mankind for generations: When is it OK to kill somebody for using their cell phone inappropriately?

There are no clear answers to the matter, only questions:

  • Talking loudly on the bus? — It depends on the topic of conversation.
  • Checking Facebook while the kids wait for you to make their lunch? — How am I supposed to know how much cuter my kids are?
  • Tweeting in church? — God is on Twitter after all.

The act of texting at movie theaters lands in a particularly gray area. It is universally agreed upon that texting while a movie is playing deserves at least a few jujubes tossed into the hair. But one patron in Florida took it to another level, gunning down a man who was texting his *3-year-old daughter during the previews.

*The fact that his 3-year-old is texting is fodder for another post

The New York Times reported the story, sagely hitting on the social importance of this story as it refers to gun contr… err.. I mean cell phone use:

The killing underscored the increased debate about when to use smartphones in public.

The story goes on to talk about how one theater owner banned Madonna after she was caught texting during a premier. The story failed to note that on the scale of Madonna Offensive Acts, this one landed somewhere between staging her own crucifiction and attempting to play guitar. Nor did it mention that Madonna had not been killed.

The story also failed to mention anything about gun control. And why would it? Forget ColumbineSandy Hook and Virginia Tech. Those incidents, as well as the thousands of shooting deaths that occur in the U.S. every year are merely outliers and by no means signs of an epidemic we should be worried about.

It’s not about the guns, it’s the cell phones. That’s the real problem, people.


About averagebob

Hi. My name is Bob and I'm an average guy. In fact, I'm about as average as they come. In school, my grades were decent, but not great. I'm pretty good at sports, when I'm competing against average athletes. And I'm definitely an overachiever -- at least when I don't have to work too hard at it. I've got a wife, two kids and a dog, and live in middle-class suburbia, where the average person looks -- more or less -- like me. Everyday, I see things that make me shake my average-sized, modestly quaffed head. With all the wackiness in the news and on the Internet, it's about time someone average got to give their take on the insanity, and inanity, of this world.
This entry was posted in Crime, Humor, politics and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Guns don’t kill people, cell phones kill people

  1. lwk2431 says:

    “But one patron in Florida took it to another level, gunning down a man who was texting his *3-year-old daughter during the previews.”

    Did you mention that the shooter was a retired police officer?


    • averagebob says:

      That’s true he was. And he is 71. And he was carrying a gun in a movie theatre to protect himself from cell phone users.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s