They’re the symbols of greatness for which all great athletes yearn. No, not hot groupies and millions of dollars. The trophies you shallow fools!
So what’s your favorite? Here are our fave five, ranked in order.
5. THE GREEN JACKET
What: A groovy coat you get for winning the Masters
Bad: If it was a green hooded sweatshirt, it might look good. But since it’s a sports jacket, it’s ugly as hell.
Good: Helps you blend in on the golf course.
4. VINCE LOMBARDI TROPHY
What: Win the Super Bowl, you get to have the big silver football.
Bad: It’s kind of simple and boring.
Good: It doesn’t have Lombardi’s face on it.
3. STANLEY CUP
What: Hockey’s grand prize. It gets larger every few years as the winning team is stenciled on the side.
Bad: A lot of people have guzzled alcohol from the Cup.
Good: The Cup holds A LOT of alcohol.
2. OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL
What: Perhaps the most coveted award in sports worldwide. Win this and you could get your face on a Wheaties box in the U.S., or a nice stipend in China.
Bad: Unless you’re Michael Phelps, your 15 minutes is about to end right … NOW.
Good: You weren’t stinking up the joint on Saturday Night Live.
1. HEISMAN TROPHY
What: The award to the best player in all of college football. It’s got the classic pose that cocky jackasses like to mimic after scoring 1-yard touchdowns against D-III teams. It hearkens back to history with the baggy pants and the leather helmet.
Bad: If you play defense, there’s no way in hell you’re winning this thing.
Good: To the victor, goes the spoils. Right Tim Tebow?
